


Saturated Loneliness

by areazel



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-28
Updated: 2008-12-28
Packaged: 2017-10-31 21:28:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/348540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/areazel/pseuds/areazel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Gaara can't take it anymore. He can't live in fear of the future, and suffer the horror of the past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Saturated Loneliness

The night was cold as the wind ripped through the village. The moon shown down upon the desert sands. The icy blue light sprinkled across the desert as a certain red headed boy sat on the kitchen counter. He was clad in a loose fitting black shirt, and pants that he had rolled somewhat to keep on his body. The boy had his arms warped around his knees as he held him self his body shivering somewhat. His red hair shown somewhat in the moonlight as the tower was dark. The rest of the tower was silent. His two siblings were asleep, and he had silently stuck out of the bedroom he shared with his wife making sure to not wake her as he made his way down stairs. His pupiless eyes watched out the window, it was rather...lonely. Not that he minded, he didn't. The teen sighed resting his head against his knees as he looked out the window.

He couldn't sleep, and seemed to somewhat want to have some time to himself. Some time to actuality think about his life. Not his past, his future. What would happen? He sighed letting his body lean against the window as he stared out the window. He felt lonely. He knew he wasn't, but there seemed to be a growing feeling of hollowness about him. His life had changed so dramatically, but now every day was like the next. It didn't take a genius to figure out what he would be doing for his future. His mind lived in constant fear of loss. He was the Kazekage, every day he lived with a fear. Every time he sent any of his family on a mission he feared what was going to happened. He hugged his knees more tightly against himself as he squeezed his eyes shut. What was he going to do if one of his siblings died? What would he do if his wife died? He cringed at the thought. His chest contracted as he felt tears prick at his eyes. In his mind he couldn't help but play out the scene in his mind.

He shivered a bit more violently as he curled his feet under him somewhat as he started to warm himself. He heard a small sound upstairs that made him jump slightly before going back to looking out the window," **No.** " He mumbled over and over again as he supported himself against the cold window his body starting to shiver. The boys mind seemed to be on overload. In his mind a scenario kept playing. He wasn't sure who the person who was dead was. But in each one it was a different loved one. His lanky body shook uncontrollably as he hugged himself more tightly muttering 'no' over and over again.

A blond haired girl lay in bed as she slept. She curled up around the blankets that were strewn across her bed. The teen rolled over making herself a bit more comfortable as she slept. Her body shifted as she felt as if something was wrong. There was a careful balance in the Kazekage's Tower. This balance seemed disturbed but she didn't seem to mind it. The blond coughed slightly in her sleep before she woke a few minutes later. She rubbed her closed teal eyes before opening them and sitting up. The girl got out of bed and she straightened out her black tank top and her long pants. The girl shivered as her feet hit the ground before she grabbed a sweatshirt and pulled it on heading downstairs. The teen walked down the stairs and into the kitchen.

She jumped ever so slightly seeing Gaara there. She turned to get a drink of water. The blond took a sip of water before she seemed to notice the odd trance Gaara seemed to be in. She set the glass down on the counter before walking over to him, " **Gaara...** " She said softly reaching out to touch his shoulder," **Gaara. Please, what's wrong?** " She asked him before she lifted herself up onto the counter since he didn't seem to be moving as he shook. The blond tentatively moved and wrapped her arms around his small body," **Shhhh... Gaara, It's okay...Nothing is going wrong,** " She said not truly knowing what she was comforting him about. But it looked like he needed help.

The red haired boy seemed to ignore her as he stayed his eyes squeezed shut. He couldn't tell if it was a dream, or if it was real. The teen felt her arms wrap around him his cold hands closed tightly around her shirt. He pressed himself against her," **Te-Temari** " He shuddered as he kept his eyes closed," **Please...** " He begged his sister," **Please...** " His fist held her clothing as he pressed against her," **...Not now...** " He mumbled," **...But what about when you die? What if Kankuro dies? Hinata?** " He got out as his arms wrapped around her holding her tightly against him," **I can't do it-** " He muttered as he subconsciously dug his nails into her back his face buried against the crook of her neck," **-I can't survive knowing I am submitting my loved ones to their deaths. One day I will be the one watching one of them being lowered into the ground...** " He ranted," **...Will you do something for me? Please?** "

The blond haired nin stayed silent before she felt his grasp on her clothing tighten. Her teal eyes were warm and caring for her brother. She held him closely as she rested her chin against the top of his head," **Hmm...** " She provoked him to continue," **What not-** " He answered her question. The blond gasped softly as she felt like crying," **-Shhh, Gaara. Don't think about that...** " She said. She couldn't say that something like that wouldn't happen. Stuff like this happened all too often. Temari winced feeling his nails dig deep into her back, but she didn't care now.

One of her hands moved up and stroked his hand her other hand around on his back holding him close. Temari pressed her face against his flame red hair as she felt herself cry. Tears ran from her eyes and soaked into Gaara's hair. She couldn't stand the thought of any of their family being killed. The mental image of her siblings being buried was too much. The girl held him close rocking him back and fourth. Her teal eyes widened," **What Gaara? What do you want me to do?** " She asked him not liking where this was going. The feeling was too solem to be anything good.

Gaara pressed against her eyes squeezed shut," **Keep me from this...** " He muttered as he held her closely," **...Keep me from what I know I will have to live through.** " He muttered as his voice seemed to be more of a dead monotone, his eyes sad but seemingly sane. He had serious thoughts going through his mind. Death was something he wanted, but he had to think of others. Which he had done, he couldn't think of anything wrong with what he wanted.

" **Can you...** " He started before he took a deep breath and tried saying it again,

" **Can you kill me...** "

He asked her voice a whisper," **I mean, you would be Kazekage. You could run this country. I'm sure you would do a better job then I would...** " He started ranting;" **If I were dead there would be a lot less trouble.** " He muttered," **Everything could go back to normal. The monster would be dead.** " He said softly his arms around his sister his fingers playing with her hair as he felt tears rolling down his cheeks," **It would be fair. Everything would be fair. I've killed so many; I should have been killed when Father wanted me to.** " He said before he pulled away from her hold and looked up at her his eyes tearful yet serious and lost," **Please Temari.** " He begged her softly.

The blond girl winced as she heard what he was asking her. She felt a sharp pang in her heart as she heard what he was saying. She wanted to break down, but she couldn't. She had to support him through this time. She hoped he was too far gone to pull off his own death, or to threaten her into killing him.

Temari wrapped her arms around him tightly pulling him into her hold, acting like a mother. " **I wouldn't do anything better-** " She muttered softly to him," **-Look how well you did. You brought this country out of bankruptcy and you revived our alliances** " She said trying to keep her voice steady and strong. The girl winced," **Oh Gaara, you're not a monster** " She said squeezing her eyes shut trying to swallow her tears," **Nothing would be the same** " She said rubbing his back," **You lived for a reason, you advanced past Fathers accomplishments, if you could call them that.** " She said as she got herself more comfortable holding him softly

" **I can't Gaara. I can't kill the Kazekage, I can't kill my own brother.** " She said softly as her hands somewhat moved on his body. The blonde frowned as she could feel his stomach, it wasn't the normal slim fit stomach she knew he had. She felt an actual drop from his ribs, his stomach was an indent. She gasped softly. He hadn't been eating.

Gaara withdrew from her arms. His gaze had shifted to staring pointlessly out the window. His thin body slumped quite lax against his sisters. It was too tired to continue going. He hadn't eaten much. Not many had truly noticed, he had simply pushed his food around on his plate and maybe taking one or two bites before throwing it away before anyone could object. The boy stared out the window shrinking away, or trying to, when he heard what she was saying. She was saying all these good things about him. He didn't want to believe her, he didn't want to think of the effect this would have on Hinata. He had managed to convince himself that she wouldn't care about his death.

He closed his eyes calmly," **As Kazekage.** " He said," **Kill me, this is an order.** " He said quietly. " **It doesn't need to be violent** " He said softly, sounding spaced out," **In fact I want to be able to go back to bed. Fall asleep with my wife, but never wake up** " He said softly," **So I can at least look calm in death.** " He said feeling tears roll down his cheeks," **Please...** "

Temari saw that he wasn't giving up. The blond could see the pain in his eyes. The crushed mind. The blond could see he was finally loosing it, all the siblings knew something like this was going too happened. They had always expected Gaara to either crack and commit a mass homicide and revert to his old self. Or crack and kill himself. The siblings had desperately wished that this wasn't the end to Gaara. Fate wasn't to be escaped yet again. He wanted death to take him, he didn't want to suffer any more then he was currently, and knew he was later in life. The blond teen nodded.

" **Hai.** " She said softly her eyes holding a pained look as she was required to follow his orders," **I'll get you something.** " She said hugging him tightly finally letting herself sob as she held him," **It will be painless** " She said as she buried her face in his hair.

Temari prayed to the gods, she never believed in the gods. Except now, she hoped that Gaara would be judged for his years of ruling. The girl kissed Gaara's forehead softly," **I'll get you something. I swear...** " She said softly before she slid off the counter and started towards the medical room where they held humane ways to put a human to sleep. She took her sweet time as she looked for something.

Gaara felt Temari nod as he pressed himself against her feeling her embrace him. He tentatively wrapped his arms around her and actually put a great effort into hugging her. His face was nuzzled into her as he felt her crying as well as himself," **...Thank you...** " He muttered. When Temari pulled away his body shivered, then calmed to trembling as he felt a cold wash over him. As she was walking away he grabbed her wrist and looked at her with the same eyes as he had been for all of that night," **I love you Temari. I never treated you like a sister, but I think of you as one. You help me, helped save me.** " He murmured softly before nodding to her and letting her wrist go.

The teal haired girl listened to her little brother as he talked. She couldn't stop the tears that were rolling down her cheeks as she heard him, she leaned forward and kissed his forehead once more," **...I wish I could have done a better job.** " She muttered softly holding him against her once more; she apologized once again to him. She was sorry she couldn't help him. He had said she had helped save him. She had, she just didn't do the best she could have done. She squeezed him in an embrace once more, stroking his hair as she felt her tears fall to her blood red hair," **I'm sorry.** " She whispered to him before letting him go and making her way up stairs to the medic's rooms. Her mind had already started torturing her. Telling herself that she could have done better. She should have done better, she should have done something and she had forgotten. The blond haired teen wrapped her clothing more tightly around her body, but it didn't kill the chill in her body. She was killing her little brother, her baby brother.

Temari got to the medics room, there were a few rooms in the tower that during the day were inhabited by medics. This was to ensure the kage always had someone with medical experience in case of emergency. The teen walked to the large walk in refrigerator and she yanked it open. She slowly rummaged through the room before her shivering hands picked up a test tube of Gallamine. She squeezed her eyes shut as she seemed to collapse on the ground of the fridge. Her body was racked by sobs as she held her hands against her chest sobbing with out any shame. The teen took about ten minutes before she managed to choke down her tears; she needed to be strong for him. Temari finally got up and she got a syringe and she held it against her chest as she walked back down the stairs. Her brother hadn't moved at all since she left him. The girl grabbed his hand," **Come on.** " She said softly as she lead him up the stairs to his room. Hinata was still asleep and Temari struggled to keep quiet. She lead Gaara over to the bed and let him sit down.

Gaara followed his sister to his bedroom where he sat down and sighed looking up at her. His aqua eyes were both blank and sad as he lay down. His eyes wandered over his wife's sleeping form and he lay down next to her, his pale body under the covers one arm over her waist curling next to her. He looked over his shoulder as he gave his sister his arm and she pressed the needle against his skin till it broke and she injected the liquid into him. Gaara nodded and muttered a soft." **Thank you.** " Before he grabbed her hand and pulled her down and gave her a tight hug," **Tell Kankuro I love him to…** " He whispered softly before nodding to Temari and curling back around his wife. He muttered soft words into her ear. He soon drifted off, thanks to the drugs, and he slipped into a sleep he would never wake up from.


End file.
